Three months later.....Three months later and I still miss her. I'm not sure what I miss. I shouldn't say that I miss her as much as I miss having someone that I felt comfortable telling all my everything's to. I never knew it would later be used against me. At the time and many times still I think how nice it was to be able to pick up the phone and talk about whatever was on my mind. Those days are gone now and there is a very big void there now. She knew me well and all my little quirks. She used that against me. She also used that to challenge me. She also made me feel good sometimes.
Sometimes I wonder if she misses me. Many times I wonder if she is remorseful. All the time I wonder what in the world was going on in her head.
I miss her boys.
Sometimes I just really miss having a best friend. A best girlfriend who I shared so much with. I wish it didn't end this way. I wish I didn't hate her so much. I wish I could forgive her. I wish I could stop thinking of her. I wish it didn't cause me pain to. I wish it was different. I wish I could tell her about Andy and I wish she could be happy for me. I wish I could go out to dinner with her and tell her about Andy and how wonderful he is and how much he means to me and how much I love him and have her be genuinely happy for me. I wish I didn't have to lose my best friend. I wish I wasn't betrayed. I wish more than anything....it didn't leave me scarred. I wonder what will become of me now.Will I come out of this stronger? Will it leave me broken? Will I heal? Will I forever think of her? Will I be free?
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